To Dwell Without Judgement
by Vikki Valentine
Summary: To be honest, it was easy to accept that Edward and Alice had been vampires. But Darien? My boyfriend? Sure, we'd always joke around about silly things like this. But this was REAL and irreversible. Would he leave me? Or do I have to become one too? OC AU
1. The Return

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Twilight or the vampire concept behind it. I'm just borrowing them for my little dream world. )**

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It felt like I was in a dream. A nightmare, perhaps. I was happy and I didn't have a reason to be. My life was boring, ordinary, but almost perfect. I longed for some change. But when it came I was never ready. And to be honest, I probably never would have been. I thought life was pretty bare able before they came along. I didn't know I'd become so attached, so intrigued. But the Cullen's weren't exactly a family you could easily ignore. I'd never be able to erase them from my memory. I'd never dream of that. I know I'm not making much sense. Maybe I should start at the beginning.

My name is Amberly Kayne. I'm seventeen years old, almost through with my senior year of high school. I'm pretty short, no bigger than five foot two and I've come to accept that. My skin rather fair, my eyes a warm shade of hazel which I've come do adore. My hair is extremely long, especially for my height. It reaches a few inches past my waist. It's something that I'm known for and that's pretty constant in my life. I haven't cut it in four years; people don't even believe it took so little time for it to grow. I don't think I plan on a radical change anytime soon in that department.

I have pretty normal friends, Marie Rein, Anna Slootsky, Greylin Patterson were just the few that I held dear to me. I have a boyfriend of nearly two years, he's wonderful. His name is Darien Scarborough. He is my best friend and I've convinced myself that he is my true love. He's eighteen, in the same school with me although he's been offered a lot of scholarships and business opportunities with his grandfather, lately. And so he travels. I don't really mind all that much anymore, I learned to get used to it, after all it is for us: "_I just want to be sure that we'll be able to have a great future. I want you to pursue your dreams without worrying about money_." he always said. A sweet wish indeed. I had to praise him for his insane blind faith and optimism. Something I never really quite grasped. I do admit, it does get on my nerves, he means well at least... But no couple was perfect... we were just pretty close.

I headed out of my brother's car, he always dropped me off. I gave him a quick wave, he shouted good luck as he drove away; I didn't really think anything of it at that moment. I walked in the halls, headed towards my locker in search for my friends. I found Marie and was relieved. I approached my locker, hers next to mine, swiftly gave her a quick half hug in greeting and swung my locker open.

"Hey Amb," she smiled, glancing sideways at me, "how was your weekend?"

"Could have been better," I shrugged. As I opened my mouth to inquire about her weekend, she stopped me with an enthusiastic smile.

"Aren't you excited?" she suddenly asked.

I grinned to myself, a part of me almost forgot. Of course I was excited. Darien was coming back today. Normally he rarely arrived on time for first period, but he would definitely turn up soon enough.

"How could I not?" I beamed, grabbing my government binder.

"You two will get married." she stated.

"That was random." I blinked, trying not to laugh.

Marie giggled softly for me. "I mean it, Amb. I know I don't like talking about relationships too much, but you're really lucky you've found the one you want to be with for the rest of your life."

I silently agreed with Marie. I was lucky. I never thought I would end up one of those girls with the high school sweetheart, get married right out of high school, get a house, go to college, have kids all that wonderful mushy stuff right out of a romantic comedy. I didn't think all of that was for me. At least the college and marriage thing wouldn't be in that order. I had to focus on school first, at least till my junior year. Darien had no problem with early commitment; he fights back the urge to propose every second he's with me. Or so he's told me, so sweet. We had been through a lot in our relationship, even before it started. We weren't the best of friends, it just all happened so quickly. I wouldn't change my decision for anything. I loved being with him.

I closed my locker, his face clearly in my mind. His scruffy auburn hair that he was determined to grow out this summer, although it was poufy enough as it was. I was afraid to see any further results. A small goatee rested on his chin, his blue eyes that I could never seem to pull away from. And that cute seductive grin, plastered on his face. I couldn't wait to see him.

We started heading towards government and my stomach twisted into nervous knots, which felt like newly born butterflies bursting from each imaginary cocoon in my stomach. I would see him for the first time in three weeks. I walked through the door and smiled brightly as he came into my view. I ran to him swiftly dropped my book bag on my desk and pulled him into what I thought was going to be a warm embrace. As I felt his skin, he was oddly cold, freezing in fact. This was very strange because normally I was the one who always got cold quickly out of the two of us. I tried to ignore this as I looked up at him. Something was different.

"Hi Amberly," he greeted, quietly. Enthusiasm was clearly hidden behind his soft voice as he smiled down at me.

I couldn't help but smile back. "Darien, I missed you." I nearly whispered.

"Me too," he said, looking me up and down and his serene smile quickly formed into that charming seductive grin I always loved. He pulled me into him again and strangely he was still cold. He buried his fingers in my hair as he twisted them in my silk wavy locks as he gently turned my head to the side and sniffed the scent my hair carried with serene grace in his movements. This wasn't the first time. Darien was a sniffer.

I pulled away and looked into his eyes and it suddenly dawned on me. His eyes... they were dark. They didn't seem blue, just a strange misty color, definitely darker.

"What happened to your glasses? You get contacts or something?" I piped up as I continued to stare into them.

He raised a curious eyebrow and suddenly agreed as if he just remembered something. "Contacts. Yes." he nodded quickly, "My grandfather decided to get them for me. It's not exactly the laser surgery I had hoped for. But I don't exactly have time to take off from school anymore than I do already," he grinned. "But it's a step."

"Couldn't you have gotten clear? I love your eyes."

"Just wanted a bit of a change, love. No worries." he kissed my cheek and smiled at me.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" I boldly asked. I didn't know what was going on. But I knew Darien better than anyone else, at least I thought so. There was something I didn't know and I was going to be sure he would tell me as soon as possible.

He sighed. "Nothing gets by you, does it?" he asked partially to himself as he went to sit down.

"Really, baby it's fine. We can talk later if you want. I just want to make sure nothing is gone wrong. You seem... strange." I went to join him in the seat next to him, moving my bag to the floor.

"I hoped you wouldn't notice."

"Baby, I love you. Of course I'd notice."

I stated the obvious. He couldn't get away with any misconstrued detail. I have known him for almost eight years and I wanted to know what was going on. I knew it was somewhat hypocritical for me to push an issue, but he just didn't look--or feel for that matter--like himself at all. I just wanted to be sure he was all right, that's all.

"Later. Not during school. Besides I'm not sure I can tell you without asking someone's permission first."

"Oh?" I asked in mock surprise. "Since when do you ask your father permission before talking to me about something? It's not your mo--"

"No," he said sharply, "nothing like that."

"All right," I took in a breath. So far nothing family related as far as I knew.

"Anyway, I heard my grandfather talking about a new family moving in for a while," he said, dodging the subject, "apparently he knows them, a doctor, his wife and kids, they're both seniors."

"Hmm..." I answered strangely. It wasn't abnormal to get newcomers randomly throughout the year. But seniors... why bother? A half a year, couldn't they stay where they were? Who knows?

"They're really nice. They should be starting today, actually. I hope you'd like to meet them."

"Oh, so you've met them?"

"Yep, a guy and a girl. They're rather close, though."

"Names?"

"Edward and Alice."

"Hmm." I said again. Very plain, kind of boring to be honest…Didn't seem exciting to me. Darien's always meeting new people and always tried to get me to mingle just a little more. I usually liked to stay close to people I've come to know. I don't really consider myself a friendly person.

Darien always loves spending time with as many friends as possible. Doing Lord knows what whenever I'm not around. Poor souls, already stuck to him. Darien didn't mean no harm, he could tend to be a bit pushy without realizing it, though. Perhaps I should meet them to make sure they don't end up imploding with just his company for the first week or so.

"Sounds nice," I said, looking up noticing Dr. Rubin put an in class assignment on the board. I opened my binder as I decided to start on my work. Maybe I'd meet them at lunch. I still couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Darien...

Lunchtime came and I went to go look for any sign of Darien. I was kind of afraid to go downstairs without anyone I trusted. I had more issues with people than I was willing to admit out loud. In short: I hated people. I know it may sound like a tad bit of an exaggeration, but that's what I thought was true. You could ask anyone that knew me. I didn't really get along with anyone, and in a way I think I didn't really want to. People were way too ignorant these days. No one had morals or any real dreams that were worth pursuing. I've taken a long road and got an early reality check in the past two years. I knew first hand that life wasn't fair and changes happen constantly. No matter how prepared I thought I was… I wasn't ready for them.

I took a deep breath and walked into the lunchroom to see that Darien was sitting with two unfamiliar faces, Edward and Alice, I assumed. Alice had short dark hair, very spiky, soft features that fit her face perfectly. I liked it. She had a refined quirk that I just kind of got from her as I stared. Edward was one of the most gorgeous guys I had seen in a while. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt crash into me for staring at him like I did... His dark hair that seemed to be tinted with bronze in the small light provided in the room suited his strong features remarkably. At first glance one might mistake him for some European super model, he definitely didn't belong here. No one so perfect could ever be left alone. They were astonishingly beautiful, pale, and elegant. Strangely as I stared at all three of them Darien looked just the same, like they had all been related. They seemed friendly enough. I tried to take another breathe as I drew near them, the cafeteria was nearly empty and it had an eerie sort of vibe to it. Darien looked up and smiled immediately.

"Amberly, I want you to meet Edward and Alice Cullen."

They both gave a blank stare in my direction and suddenly Alice was the first to burst to life in reaction to the introduction.

"Hi Amberly, it's so nice to finally see you in person. Darien goes on about you. You're so much lovelier in person!"

I couldn't help but smile at her generosity, perhaps I was wrong.

"It's nice to meet you, too. Both of you," I said looking towards Edward.

He suddenly looked up and gave me a crooked grin. "Pleasure's all mine," he replied, politely as he looked over to Darien.

For whatever reason when our eyes met I felt as if he was trying to read me. Trying to see something he couldn't without communicating. It was silly to think, but even if he could I don't think he'd find anything exciting. At the moment I couldn't wrap my head around how beautiful they were and how suddenly I noticed how beautiful Darien was. I couldn't stop staring at them so I politely took a seat and pulled out my bag, I brought my lunch with me today. Cesar salad, yum. Extra dressing, mixed greens, all sorts of peppers, carrots, pasta, and no croutons; perfection.

As I raised my fork to take the first mouth watering bite I wondered why there was nothing on the table for them to eat. "Hungry?" I asked, looking between them, they all exchanged glances.

"Not really. But it won't hurt to check the line, anyway." said Alice, tugging at Edward's sleeve as they both got up from their seats.

"Darien, you?" I asked, finally taking my first bite. I couldn't help it.

He slowly turned to me. "I'll get a drink, I think. I had a huge breakfast and I'm jet lagged."

I nodded. "Can you get me a sprite, please?"

He smiled which I took as a yes and they all walked to the short line together. The lunchroom slowly starting filling up as faint echoes of chatter scattered around the walls. I couldn't help from glancing up at them, as they were whispering somewhat anxiously to one another. I wonder what they were talking about. Marie came to join me.

"Have you seen the new kids?"

"Just met them."

"Strange, huh?"

"They seem really nice," I replied. Although, I wasn't disagreeing with her, they were a little strange. I couldn't help but feel like I was missing something.

"Darien seems different," she remarked as she unwrapped her sandwich.

"Yeah," I replied, shrugging, "Jet lag."

"Oh right that might be it..." she agreed, taking her first bite. Her eyes suddenly grew wide as she saw the Cullen's in her view approaching the table. "You didn't tell me they were sitting here!"

"Darien knows them... they're friends."

"Oh... I never realized how gorgeous--"

"Hi Marie," Darien greeted.

Marie, wide-eyed, waved as she quickly took another hasty bite of her sandwich and kept her head down, probably to stop herself from staring at Edward. I already felt her scheming a way to get close to him, although she probably won't say anything until she gets to know him first. Marie had a certain type of trust issues herself. I suppose we could relate in that area a bit.

"This is Alice and Edward." continued Darien, as he sat down next to me.

"Nice to meet you," Marie said once she had managed to swallow her rather large bite.

They both nodded.

"Likewise," smiled Alice.

Edward made an uncomfortable face as he sat down facing away from Marie.  
Marie noticed and looked in my direction instantly.

"Oh my god! What did I do?" she whispered anxiously. I sighed; Marie could be easy to read sometimes. I tried to be honest with her without hurting her too hard.  
"Maybe you looked a little too excited," I replied in a murmur as I took another mouthful of my salad. Marie's eyes widened and she shook her head in worry.

"I think I'll leave... I don't want to ruin my chances." She got up and flashed a smile at everyone. "I'm gonna go see what Manda's up to. Nice to meet you both," she hurriedly grabbed her things and almost ran to the other end of the cafeteria.

As soon as she got out of ear range, I grinned and turned towards Edward. "You didn't hear her, did you?" I asked.

"Sort of," he admitted, adjusting himself straightforward in the seat. "Her face kind of gave her thoughts away."

Oh, poor Marie.

"I thought so," I replied, shaking my head as Darien handed me my sprite. Just as I opened the bottle I noticed all three of them returned empty handed with food. Well, Alice had a small tray with an apple and small salad, but she hadn't touched it at all. I tried to ignore this as I continued with my lunch.

"She seems nice," said Edward suddenly, "I'm just not interested in dating," he smiled somewhat earnestly at me.

I shrugged. "I don't think she was heading in that direction." I lied. Of course she was. She just didn't know it yet. Besides it was way too early--well late really--for Edward to be interested in a relationship over here. There was barely any time left in the year, there was no way he'd be able to find a steady relationship that didn't involve a one-night stand.

"So where are you guys from?" I inquired, still digging into my salad.

"We just recently moved from Los Angeles." replied Edward.

"Oh really? Why would you move from there? Seems nice."

"Not fans of the sun," commented Alice, shaking her head. "We've been dying to get out of there for a while, now."

I nodded as I observed them, they were extremely pale. You could definitely tell that they were not exactly keen on tanning. L.A was full of tanned blond stereotypes of the Hollywood industry, definitely not a place where these two would seem to just blend in. It was no wonder they got away from it. Although they definitely had the looks to become successful no matter what they wanted to do.

"So why New York? I understand there are a lot of opportunities here, but surely L.A has more?" I felt a little guilty for the twenty questions routine, but I was honestly intrigued by them. I wanted to understand the way they thought, why they were here.

"Just a change," replied Edward, offhandedly. "My father, Carlisle, always wanted to see what it was like around here. Big city, plenty of things to do, things to see, it should be nice. We also bought a place upstate, a lot cooler there to go camping and stuff," he explained.

"Oh," I said, nodding. "That sounds like a lot of fun, your family goes camping often?"

"Oh yeah, loads of times," replied Alice, "hiking as well. We love it!"

"Wow. I'd never be able to do that." I shook my head, in somewhat pity. I never could understand the joy in hiking.

Darien laughed as Edward kind of had a look that I interpreted as relief on his face.

"Yeah, Amberly would take forever. She'd whine and complain. I'd never be able to take her on a trip like that."

"And that's not a problem with me," I replied. "Nature and I don't really get along when it comes to _that_."

"To each his own," replied Edward, grinning.

"Indeed." I replied.

The cafeteria started to empty out, the past forty-five minutes rushed by so quickly. I took the last few bites of my salad before closing my container and shoving it back into my bag. I looked back at Alice who had left her seat and threw away her full tray of food... Guess she really wasn't hungry.

"So what class you have next?" Darien asked Edward.

"Art..." he said somewhat disappointed.

"Oh, I have that class!" I said, smiling up at him.

Darien smiled. "Great, you two can keep each other company. I'll walk Alice to Physics," he gave me a quick cold squeeze, pecked me on the lips and headed in the other direction.

"See you later," I called out as I turned to Edward.

"Looks like you're stuck with me." I grinned, attempting to lighten the mood.

He gave what looked like a forced smile as we headed down the hall. I tried not to think of any questions to ask, I think right now we were both comfortable with the silence.

* * *

Author's Note: Well, this is all I have. I think I'm going to make this a few years before the Cullen's met Bella. So, definitely AU. I just wanted opinions about it, continue, expand, criticism, I'll hear it all and will definitely appreciate it.

Thanks so much!


	2. Unconfirmed Suspicions

As we entered the art classroom I walked towards the end of the long row of desks. I grabbed two paint brushes, a jar of water, and a watercolor palette. I loved watercolor painting. I loved how delicate you had to be with it. You had to care about your painting otherwise you would end up giving the wrong effect. In order to tell a proper story with it, you had to be mindful of the light and dark colors and the combinations that you get when you blend them together. A lot of people think watercolor is for babies, but really when you are five years old and have watercolor in front of you, you don't really think about it, you just do; which is the complete opposite of what it was.

After indulging myself in my brief appreciation of watercolor, to my surprise Edward took the seat beside me. I don't know why it threw me off guard so much, he didn't know anyone else in the room; it would make sense for him to sit next to me. I suppose the forced smile he shot at me a few moments ago didn't exactly reinforce me that he didn't mind my company. I guess for now he had to live with it.

Ms. Carlo, the art teacher, came over and introduced herself to Edward. Ms. Carlo was a sweetheart she obviously loved her job. She could talk a little too much sometimes, but Edward seemed to catch on and allowed her the brief joy it gave her to have a nice conversation. After about ten minutes of her rambling and Edward politely answering her questions or giving her an open opinion on something, she finally asked me to help him get started on watercolor, if Edward wished to. I looked up from my painting; I hadn't gotten too much done. I started my base color: A nice light blue which I applied with wet on wet with some purple to make a beautiful blend. I wanted to make a sky. I wasn't sure if I wanted it at night or dawn, so I stared at the red wondering if that would add or take away from what I wanted to create. I looked back to Edward, feeling a little bad for ignoring him and smiled.

"So, you want to get started?" I asked, handing him a watercolor palette and paper.

"I was kind of enjoying watching you work." he admitted.

"Oh," I said, clearly taken aback. That was the last response I was expecting to hear from Edward, "any reason?" I continued.

"You seem to really care about what you're doing. Is art a passion of yours?"

_Oh God, no._ I thought. It was a nice getaway, sure. But I could never see myself on 42nd street, sitting on the sidewalk offering to do caricatures or paintings of the city for five dollars each. I suppose my face gave me away as a smile crept along his face. I decided it would be nice to respond now.

"I wouldn't say passion; I don't think that's the right word at all. Art, well watercolor in particular, actually... is something that I enjoy. I just find it really pretty; it's nice to get a story across." I explained, shrugging as I picked up my paintbrush, soaked it in the water and applied another wet on wet onto the painting. I decided I wanted the dawn effect after all and I was going to blend a few sun-like colors.

Edward nodded, "So what would you consider your passion?"

I inwardly groaned. Out of all the things for him to ask me... that was the one I wasn't sure I would ever be able to answer honestly. I enjoyed doing a lot of things. Writing, singing, acting... I don't know what exactly would make me happy for the rest of my life.

"Well, I love writing... I find it to be my outlet," I explained, trying to think of the right way to put my thoughts. "Singing and acting have also been something that I loved doing. I'm not sure which one I love more. I think acting is winning, I'm starting to dwindle in my musical abilities at the moment..." I sighed.

I hated admitting it aloud, but it was true. I planned on majoring in music at the beginning of the year, but I kept on getting doubtful and worried about a career in that field. A lot of people's success was built on top of dumb luck. Something that I was sure I would never find. I hated the way the world worked today. A lot of talent wasted on the streets of the city. People paying them no mind, giving them a dollar or two sometimes, but never fully appreciating them as artists; For who they were trying to become. It made me depressed. There were plenty of people who were making money who did not deserve it.

"Why drive away from music?" Edward suddenly asked a strong curiosity behind his words.

"I haven't had the best of luck with it so far. Sure a lot of people say that they see me successful, but lately I haven't been able to prove myself without getting knocked in the face and a blow in my confidence along the way."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he apologized.

I scoffed, "It's not your fault. It's _people_." Oh great, I was going to go into my 'I hate people' rants. Edward was really going to keep his distance after today.

"People." he repeated, "do you not like people?"

"No," I replied, getting back to my painting before it dried and I couldn't do anything else with it. "I'm guessing you want to know why, correct?" I looked up at him briefly and he slowly nodded a calm grin on his face.

I sighed, "Well, I don't want to sound like I'm far better than everyone else is, because that's not what I believe at all. I just don't like them. They don't make sense to me. Everyone's thoughts are so out of whack, so disconnected, they lack meaning... they... I feel like everyone is wasting their lives. I can't deal with it or their stupidity sometimes."

"I can relate to that, in a way... although you make it sound as if you're not human." he smiled even wider.

"Well, sometimes I wish I wasn't..."

"You don't mean that." he said dismissively.

For some strange reason I felt as if I should believe him without question, though I wasn't sure why. The way he looked at me with his eyes, it seemed to tell it all for me. "How do you know?" I questioned.

"Well, you don't mean it seriously. You still enjoy life, just because people tend to get on your nerves all the time doesn't mean you don't want to live and experience what life has to offer you. It would just be easier if people weren't so close-minded, ignorant... am I making sense?"

I stared at him in awe. It's like he took those thoughts right out of my head and put them into the words I couldn't phrase. I nodded slowly, not understanding how he was able to accomplish that. I had the hardest time trying to communicate how I felt to others, even Darien sometimes. I was amazed at Edward Cullen's ability.

"You are out of this world, Edward..." I mumbled.

He smiled again, "I understand where you're coming from," he replied, "Humans aren't my favorite either."

I couldn't contain my laughter. "Now who's the one who sounds like their not human?'

I saw his smile fade a little bit, but I ignored it and continued with my painting. I watched as the red stunk into the purple and made a beautiful blend of color. I set my brush down and watched the still wet paint take its course as the air around the room began to dry it. I looked over at Edward, wanting to say something but wasn't sure what.

Class was nearly over and I got up to go set my painting to dry when I heard faint footsteps behind me. Before I could even think to turn around, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I smiled as I leaned back into Darien's rather cool embrace. I looked up at him from the side and winked at him. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head and leaned down to rest his chin on my shoulder.

"So, what do you want to do tonight? Anything, my treat."

"Anything?" I grinned, trying to think of something amazing to spend our time together.

"Just about," he replied, with a low chuckle as he started to nuzzle against the back of my neck. I closed my eyes to intake our brief moment of intimacy, I felt his cold lips kiss gently along my neck line, and I shivered. I opened my eyes and saw Edward tense up in my peripheral vision, before I could register in my mind what was going on Edward pulled Darien away from me, mumbling a quick 'excuse us,' as they headed toward the door. I whirled around to see where they were headed but Alice somehow emerged from thin air as she smiled at me.

"Boys," she said, rolling her eyes.

I smiled weakly back at her, wishing I knew what was going on. I didn't really like feeling out of the loop. Normally I couldn't care less, the less I knew the better. But this was Darien we were talking about! He was my boyfriend, we were practically engaged--yet far from it. The boy who always preached about no secrets, one hundred percent honesty. Was he breaking that promise right underneath my nose? Did he think I wouldn't realize that something was up? Obviously not. He already pointed that one out. What was he hiding, really? What was any of the Cullen's hiding? Surely if Edward and Alice were so different, intriguing, so beautiful... the rest of the family should be just the same. What was the story behind the Cullen's?

Darien suddenly appeared at the door, opening it and gesturing towards Alice and I. I grabbed my bag and quickly walked over to him. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine," he said, nodding quickly. He took a hold of my hand and we started heading towards the library. We both had free periods right now and by the looks of it so did Alice and Edward. "So did you decide what we're going to be doing after school?" he asked.

"Uhm, I dunno..." I said, shrugging lightly. "It would be nice if we can walk around the city, just us. Maybe go back to your place to chill."

For whatever reason I got the feeling that Darien wasn't too enthusiastic about my idea. "Yeah, we'll play it by ear..." he replied. Normally Darien would jump at the mentioning of going back to his place. Something was definitely off. We walked into the library, and headed to the farthest table in the back. I really didn't feel like doing any homework, besides whenever I did attempt to get some work done, I always ended up writing a sentence or two, end up talking the entire time and had to do it at home, anyway. So to avoid all of that, I wouldn't do anything.

I rested my head on the cold wooden table and closed my eyes. I couldn't really comfortably ignore the fact that I felt that Edward, Alice, and Darien were staring at me. I slowly peeked up at them and confirmed my suspicions.

"Can I help you?" I asked, looking at all of them.

"Oh, no. It was just so unexpected," said Alice, smiling. "are you all right?"

"Tired," I replied, lifting my head up as they took a seat around me.

I guess it was sort of rude of me to just ignore them like that. But I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think of anything at all to talk about. Darien was being weird, and whatever he was going through right now I'm not sure he would want to talk about it with Edward and Alice here. But then again, how do I know if he hadn't told them already what was going on?

Now I was getting paranoid. I was just afraid something would happen and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I felt that I needed to talk to Darien, but I didn't know how to begin... what would I say to him? I was so lost, I could easily get lost in a rant and we could end up talking about something completely off topic. I loved him dearly, but I couldn't bare the thought that there was something he didn't trust me with. I should probably drop it until he brings it up, but there was a feeling in my gut that told me it was important.

I felt the awkward wave of silence between the four of us increase a great deal. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure if any of them wanted to talk.

Darien pulled out a slightly thick envelope from his bag and slid it over to me. I raised an eyebrow out of curiosity and looked up at him, while taking the envelope in my hand.

"What's this?"

"Pictures from the trip," he replied.

"Ooh," I said, blinking pulling them out of the envelope. "I didn't realize you had time to take pictures..."

"Are you kidding?" he chuckled. "We didn't have much to do. I mean, sure we did a lot. But there was plenty of time to relax and hang out. Why do you think I sent e-mails so often?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought the point of these trips was to... I dunno... expand business and all that stuff that I don't pay attention to..."

"Not everything's always about business. You have to understand my grandfather doesn't work twenty-four seven, nor does he expect me to. He's just trying to get me interested in stuff--"

"Okay, I'm looking at the pictures now," I said, rolling my eyes. Sometimes he could talk a little too much and normally I'd let him. I felt a bit guilty, but when I peeked to look up at him, he looked unscathed and I figured he was all right. I was starting to get frustrated at all this secretive stuff and the fact that he had more of a busier life than me kind of upset me. I wanted to be there with him when he traveled. Sure I didn't care what the hell he was doing there. But I'd rather spend the all that time with him. All this supposed free time he had could have been with me. I stared down at a picture of him at the beach, attempting to surf with a huge grin on his face. He looked so different now that he was in front of me. In fact, he looked like the life had gotten sucked out of him, now. What happened towards the end of this trip?

I kept flipping through the pictures, him and his grandfather at work sites, huge buildings, monuments, hotels, beaches, streets, museums. And as I kept flipping through them, I noticed somewhere in the middle is where Darien changed. Sometime after the pictures in Hawaii and between the times he traveled in Europe is where you could visibly see that he looked different. The color of his skin was gone, sure he was always fair skinned, but I knew that Darien burned in the sun. There was no evidence of this burn--or that he's ever been to the beach in his life for that matter--after a few more pictures in Europe. I looked up at him slowly. I wasn't sure if I should bring this up in front of Edward and Alice or wait until tonight. I sighed, grabbed the picture of him from the beach and put the rest back into the envelope.

"Can I keep this one? You have doubles and it makes me happy."

He looked up, stared at the picture and smiled as if he was looking at a long lost memory. "Yeah, go ahead," he replied, quietly. He took the envelope from me and put it back in his bag.

I took another look at the picture, placed it in a plastic sleeve in my notebook and sighed as I closed it. I heard Darien mumble to Edward and he looked over at me with an apologetic glance.

"I'm so sorry, but we can't go out tonight..." he suddenly said.

"What? Why?" I asked, totally thrown off guard by the news.

"Remember I told you I had to ask someone before I can talk to you? ... Well, it has to do with that." he said, leaning over his voice getting low.

I tried to fight the urge to slap him and cry at the time same. I hadn't seen him in so long and he wanted to spend his first night away from me. I didn't know how to interpret this. Was this really him trying to get closer to me? Or one of the steps along a process that breaks us apart?

"Fine," I said softly. This was the complete opposite of what I was feeling. But I couldn't afford to have a fight with him. Not today, not now.

He looked down at me with concern and put an arm around me. "You going to be all right?"

"Fine," I repeated, grabbing my stuff. I could only hear the question, 'are you all right?' about twice before I start crying and I wanted to avoid that at all costs, especially in front of Alice and Edward, talk about bad impression... I had to get out of there. He grabbed onto my hand and I looked back. "Please, I promise I'll be okay, don't push it..."

He nodded, let ago and I hurried out of the library without looking at Alice and Edward even though I felt their piercing gazes on my back. I walked down the empty hallway I sighed as I felt the first tear fall.


	3. Chapter 3

Horrified at myself that actually let tears escape, I quickly swept them off my face and tried to head towards the bathrooms incase I couldn't control myself any longer. _I'm an idiot._ I thought to myself. There was about forty-five minutes left of 7th period and I don't really have any where to go. Well, I could easily walk out of the building and take the train home. The only reason I drove with brother sometimes is because he worked in the city, not extremely far from school. It was definitely a waste of money I had a metro card issued from the school. It was silly to waste gas like that, not to mention this was New York City, anyone who owned a car was wasting their money. I think I'll start taking the subway again, I always was fond it for some strange reason. Well, aside from retarded delays and all that good stuff.

I headed down the stairs and over to my locker when I noticed a few people out in the hallways, only to discover they were mostly sophomores, ick. I opened my locker and started emptying my bag when suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned slightly around to discover someone I was not expecting. It was Aaron Mitchells, he was a senior too. We weren't exactly close or anything but every once in a while we would have a decent conversation, he could be really cool at times.

"Oh hey, Aaron," I spoke as casually as possible and turned to grab one of my spiral notebooks to place into my bag.

"Hey," he replied, with a sly grin, "what's up?"

I tried not to face him completely, I noticed in my small locker mirror my face already had gotten slightly red and puffy from my near emotional episode. "Not much, going home. Long day..." I replied, staring into my locker, pretending to think of something else that I might need.

"Aren't you going to hang out with Darien? He just got back, right?"

"Yeah, well he can't hang out tonight." I answered shutting my locker door a little harder than I intended. Aaron winced in response and I tried to ignore this as I placed my lock back in its place and spun the knob towards zero.

"Whoa are you sure you're all right?" he asked, leaning down to look at me.

Damn it, with that God awful question. I sighed, trying to ignore it and I glanced up at him to see his eyes were narrowed and filled with concern. "What did he do? Do I have to beat someone up for you?"

"What? No!" I wailed, shaking my head. How ridiculous of him to suggest.

"You've been crying!" he protested.

"Is that a crime? Besides for all you know it could have been a happy cry! Or totally unrelated to Darien completely!" I was beginning to get more frustrated so I started walking away.

"Hey wait!" He grabbed onto my arm and pulled back. "You're right. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I just care about you. You're a good person."

"Who told you that lie?" I retorted, with a roll of my eyes. I really hated when guys did that. Like they knew I was a good person… please he barely knew me.

"I can tell by the way you are. You may not think so, but you truly are something else. I know we're not too close and I regret not getting to know you better sooner... You're definitely someone who I'd like to still know beyond high school."

I felt my head spin at the intake of his kind words. For once in my life, I decided not to try to decipher the meaning that may have lingered behind them and smiled up at him.

"Thanks Aaron," I slowly pulled my hand out of his grip. "I think it would be cool if we hung out more." I agreed.

A huge smile took over his face; he was handsome when he smiled. He had medium blonde hair that gave him somewhat of a surfer look and his welcoming chestnut eyes, definitely enhanced his kind features. He was pretty built from playing football for three years, not to mention every other sport you could possibly think of.

"Hey, I was going to head home myself. Wanna hang out?"

I blinked at the sudden offer and thought about it for a moment. It was stilly early in the afternoon and all the plans that would have been were currently nonexistent.

"Yeah, sure." I replied with a smile. I've never really done that before. You know, hung out with someone on a complete whim... I'm more of a planner. As we walked down the hallway I saw Edward down the left corridor; I tried not to look in that direction as Aaron and I headed out the front doors.

-:-

Aaron and I headed down to Times Square to walk around. We went into the giant Toys R Us and actually went on the huge Ferris wheel they had in the middle of the store. As many times as I've passed by the place I never actually went on the thing... it was nice walking around feeling like a little kid again. We then played in the Lego section for what seemed like hours. We managed to build a medium sized castle with an army surrounding it, when we were satisfied we left it alone only to see a second later a few young boys came over and pretty much ruined it.

After the toys we voyaged towards Virgin Records Megastore. God, I always loved that place. Every single movie, CD, video game, and random merchandise you can find in there. You could get so easily lost in the memories you could discover in this place. We kind of went our separate ways, attempting to look for CD's, but ended up looking for the same CD, The Killers. We then headed downstairs to the DVD's, watched a few minutes of episodes of South Park on the screen and then Aaron headed over to the Lesbian movies with pure intentions of making me feel awkward. I didn't follow him. We he noticed a few guys started surrounding him because it was the Gay _and_ Lesbian section of DVD's, he realized why people normally avoided the section and hurriedly made his way out grabbing me by the hand to assure his new fan boys that he wasn't interested. I couldn't help but laugh at his face; it was a mix between violated and confused.

"Oh my God, that was so horrible. I could feel them coming closer."

His slightly homophobic attitude was completely childish, but I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it. A lot of guys acted exactly the same way, they just didn't understand. I shook my hand out of his and shrugged at him.

"Well, you kind of asked for it. That's what you get for trying to make fun it."

"But I wasn't making fun. I was just trying to make you feel awkward while enjoying the images."

I rolled my eyes. "Guys are so gross."

"I agree," he nodded.

I laughed a bit. "That's not what I meant. I mean, how you guys just look at stuff and that... does it for you," I said, shaking my head in disgust.

"What? It doesn't work like that for you?" He asked, raising a curious eyebrow.

I felt slightly awkward and a small blush rise in my cheeks. I rarely talked about these things with guys. Sure, once in a while it was amusing. But never one on one like this. Except with Darien and he always made things comfortable to talk about most of the time.

"No... Haven't you taken Health?"

He laughed. "Yeah, but I mean it's different when you hear one thing from a teacher and a textbook then when you actually ask. Look at it as first hand experience," he grinned.

I raised an eyebrow. "Before you get any ideas, that's enough first hand experiences for today."

He laughed again. "For today..." he teased with a wink.

I shook my head and couldn't fight the laughter back. We headed over towards the books, which didn't help because all Aaron could seem to pay attention to were sexually suggestive books which were always easily found all over Virgin Records. I finally managed to distract him with some sci-fi novels that I pretended were interesting and slowly tried to lead him away from the books. Once we headed into the video games section he was done. I didn't mind, I loved video games myself but honestly I just didn't really have much time for them anymore.

I sat down in a small chair nearby as he and other guys surrounded each game console fascinated with a computer generated game of football when I'm sure most of them probably played the sport themselves in real life. Why guys found this so fascinating, I'll never know. I hated sports in the first place so to make sports video games didn't exactly make much sense to me at all.

-:-

"Hey Amberly, wake up," I heard Aaron's voice whisper.

I looked up and widened my eyes. "Did I seriously fall asleep?"

"Yeah," he smiled.

"How long were you playing that thing?"

"Longer than I thought," he grinned, "sorry about that."

"It's cool." I replied, trying to get up from the small seat. My body ached from trying to relax in that small uncomfortable chair; I didn't know how I managed to fall asleep.

He laughed at my tired, lazy attempt and pulled me up. "You going to be all right?"

"I think so..." I rushed my hand to my forehead as I felt a rush of blood start to flow and circulate throughout my body, dizziness started to kick in and I almost fell over, but Aaron managed to catch me.

"Whoa," he said, letting me lean on him for a moment.

"I can't let you go home by yourself like this, what train do you take?"

"The N..." I replied, "but you don't have to! Honestly, you can walk me, but I'll be okay."

"Look, I take the Q same train station, it won't be too hard to get to my place from your line. I'll go with you at least half-way."

I had a feeling that even if I said no, he would come anyway. I smiled in defeat and nodded. "All right, thanks."

"No problem. Now may I help you?"

I nodded and appreciated that he asked if I needed his support before flinging his arms around me without my permission. I let some of my weight lean on his side as we walked towards the escalator and headed out of the store. We managed to walk down the block and cross the street before I thought I heard someone shout my name. I turned slightly around wondering if I was going insane.

"Amberly!" I heard again, I turned to my right and to my surprise I saw Darien running towards me. Was I still asleep? There's no way he could be here right now. I longed for him secretly this entire time. But Aaron provided a nice distraction for a few hours.

Aaron looked just as surprised as I did as he looked in between Darien and I. Darien took me from Aaron's support and shot him a weak smile as I felt his cool arms wrap around me.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, his hand gently rested upon my chin as he lifted it up to face him.

I nodded slowly and looked over at Aaron who seemed to be a cross between disappointed and relieved.

"Good timing, Darien..." he said." I was just about to take her home. But I guess you can do it, now."

"I appreciate it," said Darien, "I'm glad to know she was watched over with someone who cares."

I felt like a child as they had their little man talk of appreciation for one another. I closed my eyes again, I was afraid to open them in fear that Darien might disappear.

"Well, I need to head home..." Aaron had been carrying my bag; he gave it to Darien who swiftly swung it over his shoulder. I peeked up as Aaron nodded and smiled down at me.

"I had a great time today, Amb."

"Me too," I replied, returning the smile.

"Hope you feel better! I'll see you on both on Monday."

Darien and I chimed our byes simultaneously as Aaron headed down the west side of the street and disappeared in the sea of people. I looked up at Darien and raised an eyebrow. Despite what they both thought, I may have been tired but I wasn't weak, I was ready to talk.

"So, I guess you already had time to chat with whomever?"

Darien sighed. I don't think he was expecting me to bombard him like that... Honestly I didn't mean to but I just couldn't help myself.

"Kind of..." he replied, shrugging.

"So you're still going to keep me out of the loop?"

"Amberly, I'm really not trying to hurt you at all. It's so hard to explain... I just don't know... I shouldn't tell you. I don't want to do this to you."

I felt so confused; I couldn't comprehend what he was saying I felt as if he was speaking in riddles. All of it made no sense what so ever and it frustrated me by the second. I didn't want him to be mysterious, I wanted the truth.

"What does that even mean? If you don't trust me, just tell me. I don't understand what you could be keeping from me that would hurt me. I'm hurting right now!"

I don't think I should have said that. Darien looked crushed; I saw it in his eyes. His cold, dark eyes that were trying to convey some emotion through the fog. I felt my heart crack.

"Darien, please..." I whispered.

"I can't."

"Is there someone else?"

"Don't be ridiculous, is that what you think?"

"No," I tried not to laugh because it wasn't funny at all. But somehow in this twisted mess, I'd rather it be a simple relationship problem even though I knew it wasn't. If it was Darien would have gotten it over with. He wouldn't have been avoiding it, not like this. He would have found a way to tell me as soon as possible. "I'm sorry... but you have to understand why I'm frustrated, don't you?"

"Trust me, I do. And I'm so sorry to be putting you through this. And I haven't even told you!"

"And why haven't you told me?"

"We've gone through this already, Amb. I don't want to hurt you. I know I'm going to end up doing that. And I want to avoid it at all costs. I just... I want to be normal again."

"You are normal... well, who knows what the hell normal is... But you're still human, you still have you're whole life ahead of you."

He shook his head. "You don't understand... I don't, Amberly. No, I don't."

I didn't know what to say. I haven't had to interpret the choice of his words in a long time. I didn't like this feeling of not knowing who he was anymore. I felt like he was leaving me subtle clues without even meaning to. Perhaps I could figure this out on my own if I wanted to...

If I didn't know any better that would sound like a suicidal statement. But Darien was smarter than that. What would make him say that he doesn't have his life ahead of him? Was he sick...? Cancer? Why would he hide that from me?

"Are you sick?"

"Yes," he replied.

My eye widened in fear, "cancer?" I nearly choked.

"I wish it were that simple..." he said.

I felt the tears starting to build up again. "Don't joke about cancer, Darien. C'mon..."

"I'm not joking. I'm infected," he said, looking down at his hands in disgust. "I have become nothing, I'm worthless, and I'm a monster."

"Stop that!"

I hated when he did things like this. He used to do this all the time when he talked about himself. Darien used to have a lot of self-esteem issues. Where these feelings suddenly rising to the surface again? How would I ever convince him that he was so much more than he thought he was? I knew there would always be a little bit of self doubt, but if it were to affect him like this... this could take some serious time to heal.

"Please, Darien... don't do that to yourself. I love you so much, you are everything to me. You are far from the monster you think you are, no matter what you believe. Everyone has a dark past, but you have a choice. You are an amazing, kind hearted soul and nothing will ever change that."

I pleaded with my eyes that he would intake what I was saying and listen to me. I knew it might not help or get him to tell me what was going on. But I needed to help him feel better about himself. I couldn't stand there and let him torture himself like that, it hurt me. I could tell by his facial expression that he wasn't entirely convinced by my words... That he was trying to hold back from turning this into an argument.

I leaned up and kissed him softly on the lips, I felt him shiver and pull back breathing heavily. I widened my eyes in surprise and looked up at him. "Are you all right?"

He gave me a tense look and nodded slowly. "Can we not do that for a while?"

_What_ did he just ask? "Uhm... no?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Darien sighed. "I'm serious. I can't..."

"Since when?" I asked and this time I couldn't help but laugh. Who was he trying to fool? Oh my God. That's when it hit me. Did he mean that he had a disease? I couldn't even bare to think _what_. "Infected..." I mumbled out loud.

"NO!" he shouted, "Amberly, that's _not_ what I meant."

"Well all these damn clues you're giving me and these mixed messages and stuff are not helping your case!"

Seriously, what did he want me to think? He was being such a girl right now. Saying one thing that meant something else. Claiming that supposedly was protecting me, trying to show me something without words. Women do this all the time it comes naturally. I'm not sure if Darien caught on to this... but it seemed as if he read a book about it, was trying to do it and was failing miserably because the book was written by a male.

"I swear, I'll tell you soon. I promise."

I sighed in defeat. Maybe for once in my life I should just drop it. Seriously drop it... I know it would take a while and that it would eat me inside out if I didn't find out soon. But I trusted Darien's word. I trust any promise he made to me. So far in the eight years I've known him he's never truly hurt me without forewarning.

Perhaps this was the forewarning...

"You know, I think I should head home. It's not getting any earlier you know."

Darien nodded slowly. "I'd go with you... but I'm not exactly feeling well myself. You are feeling better, right?"

"Yes," I replied. "try to sort this out as soon as you can. I don't want to put any pressure on you... I just care for you, that's all."

We continued to walk towards the forty-ninth street subway station; we crossed the street and came to a stop a few steps before the entrance.

"I know, love..." he smiled warmly at me. He slowly walked closer to me and gave me a quick hug, as I tried to adjust into his embrace he pulled away.

"I'm not making any promises... but I really will try to see you tomorrow. Mind if Edward and Alice tag along?"

I silently protested against this. I was really hoping for some real alone time. There was only so much you could say in the middle of Times Square, the only reason we weren't completely bombarded with crazy amounts of people and noise is because we were on a side street. I didn't really mind Edward and Alice though. Perhaps I could get to know Alice better since Edward and I were already on decent terms... Or at least I hoped.

"Yeah, that would be nice." I took my bag from his shoulder and smiled up at him.

"I love you, Amberly."

"I love you, too. Get some sleep, all right?"

Darien gave me a weird look and shrugged. "I'm not sure that will be easily accomplished," he chuckled softly as if there was a joke I had been left out on. "Good night."

"Good night." I replied as I walked down the stairs, I heard the train tracks clicking and I rushed down to the turnstile, pulling my metro card from my bag. As I rushed to find a seat, I leaned back, closed my eyes and continued to think about Darien until I drifted off into a light sleep; I had an hour ride ahead of me.


End file.
